On the website, www.divorcechoices.com there was a simple questionnaire on the home page that asked- What is the most important aspect of your divorce?

A. The children

B. The emotional transition

C. The money

D. The legal issues

While I would have thought the children would score highest, surprisingly 98% of the +2200 respondents reported MONEY as the number one issue for them. If we think about it, having enough money goes to the root of most people’s fears- they don’t want to be homeless, or they don’t want to live in their parent’s basement forever. Having enough money also supports the quality of the life that they can give their children. Money goes to the root of our identity and how we spend money reflects our individual values.

But the reality of divorce is that the total family income that supported one household, now has to support two households. The mistaken idea that you should have the same standard of living as when you were married, is just that- mistaken. Simple math tells us that you are likely to have around half of the family income, post-divorce or separation. The sooner you come to understand this sad reality, the sooner you will be able to better negotiate the financial aspect of your separation agreement.

Money discussions in divorce and separation are not often really about the money. Since we understand that anger is an expression of fear, collaborative professionals are very good at getting to the core concerns of each party so that cooperative solutions can be found that meet both spouse’s needs. A collaborative team is your best support for ensuring that your separation agreement negotiations move through the emotions that come up around your family’s financial security.

Jackie Ramler, Divorce Financial Specialist

www.divorcechoices.com